I Am Scared
I’ve been gone for two years or at least gone from this website, but I’ve still been very much “here” in a physical sense. If I am honest, I have been itching to get back to this website, but I am afraid that I might spiral and disappear again. But, one step of vanquishing fear is facing it head-on, so here I am.
Where have I been the last two years? Well, to put it simply, I’ve been working and dealing with changes in my life. My job had me traveling to northern California for a year, and being home maybe two to four days a month, and that brought a burnout that I was unprepared to face. Luckily, I found a job in the same industry closer to home, so now I’m not stuck in an endless loop of travel. However, during this period of travel, my partner and I did split, and my YouTube videos did stop as a result as I did not (and still do not) have video editing skills. I hope to slowly pick my content creation back up, and eventually put videos out once again, but I don’t want to put a hard deadline on myself at this time.
In the last twelve months, tragedy has struck three times, taking two furry and a scaly family member from my home. My sweet cat Dazzle passed away in early 2022 after being by my side since 2005. I was traveling at the time, and still feel guilty every time I think about how I couldn’t be home for her in her final days. Not long after this, I lost one of my snakes, Patron, to complications with his recovery from health issues that had him in and out of the vet for quite some time. While I do miss him terribly, I know that we did everything we could and I am glad he is not suffering. Finally, in July, I lost my little Odie dog. He had been with me since 2009, and when we took him to the vet for some age-related issues, we had to make the tough decision to help him peacefully cross the rainbow bridge.
Despite the heartbreak of the last year, I am still glad for the pets that are still with me, and we are still moving forward. I may not know exactly what the future will bring, but I do know that I am not going to hide anymore.
